


cookie

by aArOn_JoNeS



Category: cookie - Fandom
Genre: Edgy, Jesus - Freeform, LMAO, Murder, Other, Religion, Tattoos, and really cool, cookie is like two pound, edgy lord, not Cookie Monster, not a cookie but the person cookie, skateboard, small man
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-24
Updated: 2019-06-24
Packaged: 2020-05-18 17:57:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19339648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aArOn_JoNeS/pseuds/aArOn_JoNeS
Summary: cookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookie





	cookie

**liam 4:20;**

 

  **there was nothing, and then there was something. a god way more powerful, than myself, and tony, and tony's weird girlfriend no one knows about--**   **COOKIE. he's quite mighty, at 140 pounds and 5'6 in height. he was firm, able-bodied and hard as nails. apparently, he gets the name cookie from his dad, skatan. he would eat tons of cookies, but never gain any weight. makes me look bad with my beer belly, but i'm a god, so i'm still respected. haha, get rekt posers.  
**

**so, i was just sk8n around, when tony approached me to tell me that cookie was coming back outside of his cookie cave. his dad had thought it was about time he goes back outside. i shrugged LOUDLY, on the inside though, i was kind of upset, knowing that i'd probably have to carry him around on my shoulders.. everywhere. i mean, i'm strong, but so is he. what a lazy snake.**

**his religion was a lot more popular than the rest of ours, i guess something about a small man with a shaved head just gets people going with religion. in the religion, people even sacrifice cookies to him, the way they do it? they buy crappy mini-skateboards from the dollar general, put some cookies on them and LIGHT THEM ON FUCKING FIRE. except on wednesdays, if you do that on wednesday, they just get to him burnt. oh yeah, the cookies you burn on every other day go to him but they taste even better. that's some straight fucking magic right there. he also gets happy when people of his religion dance on furniture?? i mean, cool whatever bro, but that's a bit weird. but my religion is pretty weird too, i mean, one of my sacrifices is just setting a kiddie-pool of beer on fire with a cigarette. plus, in my religion, you treat guitars like babies. not that acoustic shit though.**

**this isn't about me, but you know i love the attention. so cookie sneaks his little ass out, like a mouse--haha, if you give a mouse of cookie he's gunnu want milk. uh, anyway. he starts conversing with everyone, tony, tony's weird girlfriend-- and then he comes over to me. he doesn't even talk, the bitch just says, "up." and then climbs onto my shoulders. exactly, what i expected, but i can't be an asshole, i mean-- his dad is skatan. i carry him around before i collapse onto a chair, it's getting later and later. he hops off my shoulders and leaves, without even thanking me. what a whore.**

 

 

**tony 6:9;**

**so, now that cookie's back around, everyone seems to be worried. to be honest, i'm not too worried, we're buds. he doesn't bother me, i mean my followers of my religion kind of hate his. but we don't have beef. we're hesh. most of the reason they hate each other is because my followers eat cookies, instead of, y'know burning them on fake skateboards. but we eat those soft ones from walmart, so i dunno why they're mad. i'm surprised they haven't read about the friendship between us and stopped. i mean, it's not like were besties or something, but we're just chill. in his religion, you're not supposed to eat cookies, longboard and cry in front of your woman. (you can only cry in front of your man??) if you 'sin' in his religion, in the end of it, you get sent to a place full of longboards and shitty tattoos. trust me, it's a mess. if you succeed in not 'sinning' in cookie's religion, you get sent to a place full  of skateboards, cool tattoo artists and dope. it's pretty tight.**

**but enough about him, let's talk about me and my religion. to be honest, it's mostly based off my my girlfriend i can't name. you only dye your hair when you're having a tough time. you constantly skate, long curly hair is appreciated. so are bad puns about wheels. hell? nah, everyone in my religion goes to one place when they die. i call it 'tonya' cause it's my name, but female, cause chicks are sick. but it's a pretty chill place, just ask for something and it'll appear. it's the ideal home, pretty sick.**

**liam's is cool too, i hang out there a lot. he calls his heaven/hell situation 'cosmic vinyl.' just like in the name, there is tons of vinyls, band stickers, and a stage for bands to play on while everyone jams the fuck out. you can smoke outside, and there is infinite beer, just ask for a brand and how much. plus, no hangovers. sometimes jump ramp plays, but that's about never. maybe we broke up, i don't know yet. liam's got a bat behind the counter for little shits, if you're a little shit in a place like cosmic vinyl, you get hit with that bat so hard, you get sent to cookie's version of 'hell.' cute.**

**my girlfriend's is just confusing, i am not going into it.**

**skatan's? oh dude, you really don't wanna be in his concept of hell. it's just constant reggae, while you get abused by skatan. it's some tough shit. remember when i said tonya was ideal? skatan's version of heaven is probably better than mine, it's like his hell but no torture, and no reggae. literally everything punky exists, you get get vinyls for free, skateboards for free-- including their parts, trucks, wheels, bearings, bodies. it's pretty lit 100 fam. no longboarding though, longboarding is not skateboarding. there's no posers allowed, no snakes-- even though all snakes must die, they aren't going to skatan's heaven. it's fuckin' hesh.**

 

**skatan 6:66;**

**_so you wanna know about church, ay? personally, i fucking hate church. especially of religions that don't belong to me. my motto? smoke wheels, hail skatan-- or maybe it's smoke grass, skate fast, eat ass? i can never remember, maybe it's both. so recently, i let my son out of his 'cookie cave.' i felt he needed to stay away from the rest of the boys, they can tend to get aggressive, especially when he bothers them. mostly liam, he fucking hates cookie sometimes. he's always hopping on liam's back, it's quite humiliating knowing i own cookie. unfortunately, with his religion, comes a place to practice it. a church type-thing. the fuckin' idiot, calls it the cookie cavern, i'm surprised he's got followers. it's pretty lame, to be honest, there isn't even pews. you all just sit on the ground and listen to some fucking guy read this text. it's dumb, like most churches. to be honest though, it's okay sometimes. they give out dope and shit before the service so you have no idea what's going on and the guy who's reading has doubled. still lame though, i hate my son._**

**_although, no one else's church is that good either. my son is just a piece of shit, generally. most things he does are completely worthless, yet he's got people that agree. for my sake, he makes people dance so he can be happy. what the fuck does that even mean? he doesn't even ask for strippers either, just people dancing-- oh yeah, on furniture. and burnt cookies? i mean, at least those shitty skateboards burn, but cookies?? wednesdays?? it's ridiculous how many shitty rules and problems he's got. if i had another son, i'd probably fucking kill him. but, i don't-- he killed rodney though, why shouldn't i kill him? rodney is like-- my best friend. or should i say was instead of is? CAUSE HE'S FUCKING DEAD. whatever man, i can still see him, just not often. sometimes i leave a sick vinyl out on the player for him, mostly 'The EP.'_ **

**_how about we go into how he murdered rodney. so, long story short, i invited rodney over. i told cookie to cut up some snacks or something, he walked across the house with the knife, looking for his charger or something. he slipped on some juice as he walked past rodney, stabbing him in the throat. i still think he did it on purpose, even though he says it was an accident._ **

 

**cookie 7:0;**

**me and my dad were never as close as i wanted it to be. these days, he's always just making fun of me. calling me a piece of shit, calling my buildings shit, calling my religious rules and catchy names shit. i mean, i know i wouldn't get over it if somebody accidentally killed my best friend, but he doesn't say it's an accident. he never stops saying that i did it on purpose.**

**i might murder him,,**

**what? nothing. sure, he helps a little bit, he can be okay, i guess. i mean, he finally let me out of the cookie cave. telling me i was 'ready' or something. i'm not sure what he meant by that, but it was obviously kinda negative. everything he says negative, i don't think he has a filter.  anyway, enough about my father, here's a few things.**

**-=how you get to my version of hell=-**

**-eat cookies when part of cookie's religion.**

**-homophobia**  
**-racism**  
**-terrorism**  
**-animal abuse**  
**-abuse in general**  
**-dui, texting while driving, robbery, arson, assault, incest, rape, *murder***

**-using crappy longboards for the burning ritual. (the audacity--)**  
**-using a good skateboard for the burning ritual.**

**-getting literally anyone's face tattooed on your body. (why the fuck would you do that??)**  
**-having a tattoo in a different language that you don't understand. (no jessica, it says 'asparagus' not 'life is good')**  
**-get a significant others name tattooed.**

**-fucking reggae**

**-=how you get to my version of heaven=-  
**

**-you're generally a good person??**  
**-you give me cookies at least once a week.**  
**-you get a sick fucking tat.**  
**-you're sick as frick**  
**-you're hesh**  
**-you dance on furniture**  
**-you've gone to a cookie cavern near you. (church)**  
**-basically anything not stated.**  
  


**my father believed my following was too small, so he sent me down to earth. i went all over the world spreading my religion like a mormon on saturday morning. i gained plenty of following, with people who pursued in the rules, and the plans. sure, there a few extremists, but most of the people who partake in the fruit that is my religion-- are good people. y'know how people say 'an eye for an eye' and 'a tooth for a tooth'? i think that's what my father is trying to do, like how i killed rodney. he might be trying to kill my religion, and possibly me. i might have to get him before he gets me. i worry if i die, my following will be affected and use it as an excuse to leave. either that, or everyone will become an extremist-- it'll be like fucking jesus.. i died for their sins or something? if he kills me, my heaven/hell situation will disappear. since he's my dad, everyone who sinned through my operation will end up going to his heaven/hell.. it could be horrid.**

**what?**  
  
  
**tony's weird girlfriend or smth ?:??;**  
  
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****  
**over time, the same thing happened over and over again.. until, skatan tried to kill his son..**  
  
  
  
_lmao thanks for reading this and srry for the cliffhanger there will be more i promise k ily bye_


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